mom two under two

There have been times in this journey as a mom of two babies when I doubted my capabilities and felt overwhelmed, but there have also been moments of feeling like we are a well-oiled machine.  I want anyone considering having two under two or are already on the journey to avoid some of our pitfalls but also benefit from some of our successes. 

This post will be all about giving you the essential tips that will have you thriving as a mom of two under two.

Reminder Moms of Two Under Two:

Motherhood is a journey and you have instincts as to what to do for your two children.  Remember, you are no longer a new parent and are more prepared than you know.  The tips in this post are meant to help support you along the way, but please know this is not a one-size-fits-all article.   You are capable and able to navigate this new part of your parenthood journey, but I do hope you receive many takeaways from my learning experiences.  Please feel free to comment or contact us to share if you feel this helped!

Table of Contents

Preparation is Key for 2 Kids Under 2

This is before your second child arrives and once they are here. I would strongly recommend trying your best to prepare your first child. I wrote this article that shares how to do this successfully. Also, getting this organized ahead of time will cut down on the stress level. Even if all you do is have the room painted for the second or a plan for where they will be sleeping after transitioning out of your room, this will help you tremendously. Are you considering having your two under two sharing a bedroom? Here are things you might want to do for a positive experience for your toddler and baby. 

Preparing the room is just one aspect though.  You can also prepare for two under two by doing the following:

  • Going through baby clothes of your first baby and rewashing them
  • Have bottles washed and sterilized (I strongly recommend having your first child switch to sippy cups to save).
  • Decide how you will track feedings and diaper changes
  • Have two diaper-changing stations set up if possible with diapers for both

These are just a few ways to prepare for having two under two! The best way to make sure you are ready is to write down anything you feel is missing or needed and then start to work on getting those things taken care of prior to your baby’s arrival.  Smart advice is “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Just start somewhere and you will find your stride in the process.

Mom of two under Two Ask for Help Early

One of the things that saved my sanity was help from my parents for the first 3 months of my second being born. Help through the support of family and close friends, hiring a babysitter, daycare, or even programs at your local park district and library can help feel as though you have a village. 

I truly wish my husband and I had started hiring a babysitter for my firstborn for just a few hours every couple of weeks. This would have helped us get accustomed to it and our little one.

It then would have been easy to keep that routine for two under two, especially since having two often does mean the support you had with your first may not be the same for your second. You have grown as a mom and feel more confident but also the responsibility of helping with two at two different developmental stages isn’t easy to juggle. Don’t worry though, no matter what level of support you have you got this!

One-on-One Time Bonding

This is crucial at the early stages to set up a routine. I started doing this when my daughter started crawling. I noticed my son felt he was not receiving enough attention. I’m sure it was confusing for him to understand why he isn’t praised for crawling too.

When I began to speak in my child’s love language (10 minutes a day, 7 days a week) I saw a major improvement in how our family functioned.

Now, some may think 10 minutes is a small window of time but it’s all about quality! If we really think about it you might not remember the last time you were provided 10 uninterrupted minutes. When you had 10 minutes with the one you love being spoken in the exact way you want. As a mom it feels like you are constantly meeting everyone else’s needs, so it’s hard to focus on one task.

You will be surprised at how different those 10 minutes will be and feel.

My son loves physical touch so we would lie down and I would give him hugs and kisses, and check in on how he was doing.  My daughter who loves quality time wanted me to play with her face-to-face, sing songs, and play with toys.

When you choose to implement this bonding time will look different for each child. My son was in the morning and the time with my daughter varied. I found that my son had a better start to the day when I implemented it earlier in the day. 

Share Responsibility for BOTH Two Kids

If you have a partner or spouse I strongly recommend NOT doing what we did! As a mom of two under two, it can very quickly become you are the primary parent of one kid. It can be scary raising two under two for both of you but it is so crucial that each of you feel capable of caring for both kids.

If one becomes the main person, you have to actively work to change it. We still are working on this every day. My husband does bathtime for both kids. When I am overwhelmed by how much my son needs me, I just ask for help. This may seem easy, but if we are honest with ourselves, asking for help can sometimes be the most challenging part.

Document the Journey of Motherhood

Being a mom of two under two leads to less time for some of the most important things.  My biggest regret is not tracking things that I know I would want to keep forever.  Yes, there are apps for this kind of thing, but as a mom of two those apps quickly become a hindrance. 

I recommend that you track milestones, pregnancy journey stories, and more!  This will grow with you and almost be like an open letter to your 2 under 2 that they will cherish as they grow.  You will too!

Documenting the journey though doesn’t start or end there.  Take a ton of photos and videos! You will be shocked at how much it cuts down as the newborn arrives.  This is a good thing in some ways because you are in the moment. Yet, I just remember thinking I wish we had taken more family photos!!

So often we make sure that pictures are taken of others, but we need to make sure we are in them too! I know I’m there, but there aren’t enough pictures to show that. Even if you have a reminder set on your phone weekly to take a photo with your kids you won’t regret it because time truly does fly with two little ones.

Document the good, the bad, and the ugly. They will appreciate it as they get older, more than you will ever know!

documenting the two under two journey.

Focus on Two Kids under Two Routine

Having two kids under the age of two means that you will need to embrace the chaos, but it doesn’t mean that you should feel like you are constantly on the border of insanity.  Our routine is what helps us stay grounded during the hard parts of parenting.  Have you ever looked at the clock and realized that it’s okay, we only have an hour left before bathtime? 

This is why routine is so crucial.  It helps you know what is coming, it helps your baby and toddler get in sync, and it cuts down on the stress of the day. 

As adults, we know that when we have routine and structure we feel better. The same is true for a baby and toddler! The good news in all of this is you likely already have a routine. 

If you are unsure of what your routine is then answer these questions below:

  • What time do you wake up?
  • What time does your first baby wake up?
  • What do you do the first couple of hours of the day?
  • What activities do you put in place if you are a stay-at-home mom?
  • What time does your toddler’s nap start? How long does he or she nap for?
  • What do you do when you are all home together?
  • What time frame do you have the most energy?
  • What is dinner time like for the family?
  • When do you notice that you are most exhausted during the day?
  • What tasks do you feel like you put off for the household? What time is this in the day?
  • When do you notice that you feel like things are going smoothly?
  • What time do your kids seem the happiest throughout the day?

By answering these questions, you will see areas you do well and areas where you can improve the routine.  For example, I noticed that at the beginning of the day, I was the most stressed and it would feel like my day was constantly starting off on the wrong foot. 

I asked myself, “What would I want my morning to look like? What can I change in the morning to feel like it’s starting right?”

The answer may surprise you and I will share it in an article later and link back to this one – BUT – it was a game-changer when I answered these questions and made the necessary changes.  I now know that if I follow my morning routine I feel better,  have more patience, and am more productive.

Organize and Reorganize for Your Sanity

It’s going to take time to get into a rhythm in the first few months, especially as your little baby works on getting into a sleep schedule that doesn’t leave everyone completely depleted of energy.  However, I feel that once your infant is sleeping well and you have more energy take that time to organize and reorganize areas of the home.  Things that constantly need to be organized when it comes to a baby and a toddler are the following:

  • clothes
  • snack cupboard
  • cups and bottle cupboard (or wherever you store these – we put them on the kitchen counter)
  • toys

Having children so close together means you accumulate so many things and you need most of them because as one leaves a developmental stage, the other one is getting ready for it.  I cannot express the joy we had when our daughter was done with bottles! We were able to use the same ones from her older brother, but it was nice to let them go and recycle them. 

Doubly, I was so excited when we got extra storage for their toys. 

Our living room is now a space that doesn’t feel constantly like a kid’s play area even though that’s where we spend a lot of time as a family.  This improved my mood and now we’ve got options to hide away some of their things.

mom of 2 under 2
two under two routine

FAQs for Navigating a Newborn and Toddler

 Having children close in age will mean that there are bad moments, but also bad days.  Please make sure that when you are feeling overwhelmed you stop to take a moment to yourself.  I would always take a deep breath, remind myself that this exhaustion will pass, and give my kids grace.  I’ve always told myself to remember that they are learning EVERYTHING!

They are learning boundaries, asking for help, potty training, adjusting to a new sibling, sharing, communicating, etc.  It makes sense that toddlers have mood swings and meltdowns.  Everything becomes a big change and we shouldn’t expect them to have that understanding and maturity at this age.  If you find yourself being overwhelmed more than getting opportunities to love being a mom then I strongly recommend seeking help and support through your OBGYN, new baby’s pediatrician,  a counselor, family, etc.  Don’t feel like you need to silently suffer.

You will read that asking your older child to get things for the baby is a great way to build a bond.  In some sense that is correct, but I feel like there are so many other ways to do this.  One of the things that we loved to do was tell our son when he was making his little sister laugh or smile. 

We also would let him know that when she was learning from him.  This helped him understand that he was having an impact on his sister and he would want to find more ways to do that.  We also do joint bathtime when our daughter was able to hold up her head. 

Is bathtime chaos? Absolutely, but they love it.  In fact, when we thought about maybe giving our daughter a bath earlier and our son later he climbed the stairs and went up to join her even though it was earlier than his normal time.  This just goes to show a couple of things, that routine is hard to break but also that he looked forward to this time with her. 

We also taught our two year old son that if he took a toy from his sister, he had to replace the toy with something else.  This might seem minor but it helped him learn how to engage, model healthy behaviors, and understand that when he took something it made an impact.  He now at 2.5 years old will bring her toys randomly to play with to include her and if she cries loud enough he will often give her back what she was playing with to avoid her being upset.   

This needs to be an article all on its own, but the different sleep schedules can be a blessing.  Instead of feeling like you have to manage two at the same time, you get the ability to focus on one.  I recommend putting the baby in a separate room while he or she naps to help create a good sleep environment and play environment.  This will stop you from trying to insist that your toddler is quiet when they are playing and decrease your stress level as well.

Going from one to kid two can feel like you are constantly being pulled in opposite directions.  As a mom of two under two, I have found that trying to ensure they are both getting enough attention is unrealistic, but trying to make sure both of them are getting the attention they need is doable.  My son will want my attention 90% of the day.  In fact, if it was up to him I would also attend daycare with him and watch him play.  I clearly cannot fill all his attention desires, but I can try to make sure I am present with both of them as much as possible.  This is why I did the 10 minutes 7 days a week method. 

We also read a lot of books to help with bonding with both.  I give tons of affection to both of my children, but sometimes the balance will just be off.  One will need you more than the other.  One will get upset because one needs you now and the other one now realizes that they want you.  It’s tough and that’s why routine is so key.  It allows you to find how to fit in giving your full attention to each child through the structure of your day.

 

Parting Thoughts

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this post about navigating children with such a close age gap and seeing that going from one kid to two doesn’t have to be so daunting.  As a fellow mom of two under two, I hope that the tips in this article help you see that you’ve got this.

If you are pregnant or recently gave birth, just remember that the postpartum goal right now is to take care of you so that you can take care of your little ones.  I’m so happy that you’re on this journey and I truly believe it will be an incredible experience.  If you have questions that you want to submit for our FAQs or a blog post that you feel would help you navigate two under two then please contact us. 

Mom of Two Under Two – Challenge of the Week

Are you up for the challenge?  We are asking any moms of honestly any age gap to try and implement our 10/7 challenge.  Spend 10 minutes a day, 7 days a week on pouring love into your child through their love language. Are you unsure of what love language your child would be? You can take this quiz to find out! We would love to know if you have seen change in yourself or your children by implementing this challenge.  You can either reach out to us through our contact page or you can comment below!

P.S. Just in case you haven’t heard it today, know it’s going to get easier in a short period of time.  Buckle up for this journey as it’s sure to be tough, but also one of the most incredible experiences of your life.  You got this, so snuggle your kids as long as you need, wipe away the tears, and remember you have the most important job here on Earth and all the capabilities lie within you!

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