I remember asking myself, “Is 2 under 2 a good idea?” When you have children close in age, they are navigating a lot together. This could mean double the tantrums, feeling pulled in two different directions, and possibly feeling like you have just given up sleep for years to come. But I have to say that having two under two was the best decision for us! I have no regrets and will explain to you why 2 under 2 might be easier than you know.
This post is all about why it is a good idea to have two under two and how it’s worth it!
Table of Contents
Top Tips for Navigating Two Under Two
Throughout this post, I want you to remember these 3 tips for navigating two kids under two:
- Nothing lasts forever (not even tantrums or crying)
- Focus on finding the joy in the Little Things
- Create Small, Manageable Self-Care Moments
These might seem not that monumental, but they honestly are what is needed in the early stage. When you have children close together in age you really feel like you are running on fumes trying to meet the news a baby and a toddler. If you are able to keep these 3 tips in mind, you will find yourself truly embracing being new parents to little ones.
Why We Chose Two Under Two
We intentionally decided to go down this path! We are older parents and didn’t want a big age gap between them. I also knew the older I got having children the harder it may be not only emotionally, but physically as well. Our children are 20 months apart, but they are both rainbow babies.
There was a chance for them to be as close as 15 to 17 months apart. So the question probably on your mind is, “Was it hard?” I’m not going to lie, it’s been easier than I could have anticipated. Our son was a natural sleeper and we were lucky that our daughter slept well too. Sleep is key along with a flexible routine! When our son started getting up in the middle of the night after turning 2 years old our world turned upside down and we saw how difficult parenting multiple children can be when you are sleep deprived.
I still remember the joy when we found out I was pregnant. Even though pregnancy is some of my hardest times, when our baby came there was just pure joy and it allowed me to enjoy the baby phase again but this time without the high level of stress and anxiety. If someone asked me, if I would make the same decision with the information I have now, I would say ABSOLUTELY!
It’s beautiful to watch our older one, Grayson, love on his sister. He gives a kiss every night and he is excited to tell her Good Morning! He learned her name before he learned his own. These are the moments that you retain and that’s what having kids so close together allows. They love to play with each other and going from one to two was much easier.
Challenges and How We Overcame Them with Two Kids
The biggest challenges in life with two under two were the following:
- sleep deprivation
- meeting the needs of two kids in different phases of life
- difficulty fitting in time to nurture our marriage
In the beginning, we did well. In fact, I think I did a great job with how well we transitioned the second child into the home. We were no longer new parents and so we had a different confidence level. The challenges that we had with our first baby such as trying to get the right formula, being afraid he wasn’t breathing at night, and the constant worries weren’t there with our second. I think this is why it was easier for us, we just had a healthy and happy view of parenting two.
Surviving 2 while Sleep Deprived
The struggles though were being sleep deprived and not having the same ability to sleep like you did when you have one. You also are very aware that if you need a break you are leaving your partner with a baby and toddler. Being outnumbered is just hard in general, no matter how great the temperament of your children.
The days are long and the nights seem to blink and be gone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help even if that means just so you can sleep! Sleep is the most important commodity especially after bringing the baby home. We overcame the sleep deprivation by re-sleep training our 2 year old son for bedtime! Our daughter slept pretty well during the baby stage. Sometimes we would take our two babies under two to daycare and take an afternoon nap just to catch up. You do what you have to do in order to get sleep!
Trying to Balance the Needs of Two Kids Under Two
Meeting the needs of two children so close together can be difficult. Grayson wants to lay on Mommy all day long and Harper wants me to sing and play with her. I can’t forget to mention that when Harper would want me to pick her up Grayson would then want me to pick him up! This would lead me to literally just sit on the floor with one on each lap or laying on the floor and letting them lay on me.
I realize that this likely won’t change for a while. Instead of fighting it, we do a lot of sitting together and reading books. I refuse to carry them at the same time, out of concern for their safety, so sometimes one just has to cry. In those moments, I remind myself they are learning so much about patience and limits.
Finding Ways to Stay Close Together in Your Marriage
I will be honest and share that our marriage has been impacted by having 2 children under 2. When you are sleep deprived, busy with work, balancing the home, and do not have a consistent babysitter then something is bound to be impacted. This isn’t to say that we won’t get through it, but for the first time our marriage is work. The one on one time that was easy to fit in is just harder to come by.
I’m a firm believer that marriage has to be a primary focus as it is what allows for us to be better parents. When we are in sync in our marriage, we are in sync in the care we give them. We have overcome this by just having open and honest conversations. We have switched our schedules around to allow for afternoon dates and we are starting to book dates in the calendar.
Is 2 under 2 a good Idea? The BEST Parts!
When you have two children under two you are hoping they are going to be very close. Also, you realize that there is a built-in person to do things with and not feel that you are worlds apart. This may come from me being a twin, but I do think there is a protectiveness and sense of understanding when you are close in age. I can’t wait for the vacations when they both play well together! This might be a complete fantasy, but all I have to go on is the last 24 months and so far they have exceeded my expectations.
Practical Advice for Parents Considering 2 Under 2
The best advice I can give someone who is on the journey is you can do this. I really do think that you can overcome challenges through the following:
- communication
- Babysitter early on (even if it is minimal hours)
- don’t hesitate to ask for help from your support systems
Even with the challenges that we have faced I wouldn’t change a thing! This is the best decision for us and our family.
We have signed up for sleepless nights, meltdowns, potty training accidents, but so has anyone with one child too. The only difference is that we may be encountering these things with our babies close together.
In a sense, I think it means we are just going to be getting these things done sooner since there’s a small age gap. Everything that I have seen and researched is that it’s harder in the beginning but as time goes along and more independence occurs for your second baby then it will improve things. If you are looking for more information though you can read my blog 7 Essential Tips to Thrive for Moms of Two under Two.
Don’t feel bad or ashamed about your experience with your babies. It doesn’t matter if they are 15 months or 22 months apart.
What truly matters when it comes to this experience is that you embrace the experience and try to enjoy the baby years.
They will literally fly by now if you are postpartum. Celebrate each milestone your kids go through.
Work to have a flexible routine to help with managing the stress. The more you can manage your stress the better things will be. My kids play so well together (for almost 2 years apart). I purposely embrace this and give them time on their own so that I don’t feel as though I have to constantly be monitoring. Of course, if there are major jealousy issues then you have to address that first prior to implementing something like this.
Parting Thoughts
When you commit to having two children under two you are signing up for a lot of emotions. BIG EMOTIONS! That being said, you are also signing up for so much love and joy. I look at life differently now and I know the importance of one-on-one time with my kids as well as my husband.
I wanted my children to have a bond that would be beautiful to see nurtured and I get to see that every day.
When your new baby comes I hope that this article helps you feel less worried and more excited for this chapter in your life. Find a way to remember that your oldest is still a baby! They are going to make mistakes with their new brother or sister, but have patience. They will model what you show them.
It’s going to be okay and if it’s not please do not hesitate to ask for help!
Challenge of the Week: Reflect and Connect
- Reflect: At the end of each day this week, take five minutes to jot down what went well. Focus especially on interactions between your two children. Did they share a smile, help each other, or play together harmoniously? Capturing these moments can help shift focus from the challenges to the joys.
- Connect: Set aside a dedicated 10 minutes for each child individually, doing something they love. It doesn’t need to be elaborate; simple activities like reading a favorite book, playing a quick game, or just cuddling count. This undivided attention can reinforce your bond and remind you of the unique relationship you have with each child.
- Partner Time: Schedule at least one session of quality time with your partner to reconnect. This could be after the children’s bedtime, a coffee break together during the day, or even a quick walk. Discuss the joys and challenges of parenting two under two, and share appreciation for each other’s efforts.
